I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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