i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
