All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
