How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
