I bet he comes in French.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No stitches, just platelets and will power
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
