There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
