Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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