As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
