the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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