Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
