if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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