Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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