I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
