I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
