The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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