What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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