I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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