just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
