Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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