tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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