Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
