At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
