his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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