I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
