Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My penis needs a shock collar
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
