The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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