Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
