somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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