Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
