I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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