did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That accounts for only three of the penises
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
