What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
