were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
