woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
