it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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