when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
