You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
