Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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