Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
