She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
