Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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