I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
