things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Girls should come with a carfax report
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
