I look better un-naked...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
