it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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