I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
