im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
