i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
