all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
