You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do herpes really smell.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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