is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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