So drunk, too bad you don't want this
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
