no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
