woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
