Christians are straight up FREAKS
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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