I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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