is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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