my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.