I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend