I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
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Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?