your parents love me but you hate me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him