the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together