I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.