soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants