My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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