life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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