Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
