I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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