Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
