how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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