Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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