The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
